People sometimes ask me why it is that I chose to become involved with prostitution on the escort level. Well, let’s consider what constitutes freedom to choose first off.
In my situation, at 21 years old I found myself separated from my husband (married at age 18 ) and up in the Midwest looking for work after experiencing economic hardships living in the Deep South. After alternating between living with a friend and in my truck, a family member invited my husband and I (though we were in the process of separating) to come stay for a while. My husband lasted a month before returning to our home state, leaving me to my own devices in the Midwest (more on him later though). The man I was invited to move in with was my ex-stepfather, a man whom I had never been on good terms with and was for the first time attempting to establish a decent relationship with now that my mother was out of the picture (another topic for another time). Considering we had lived apart for almost a decade and had never truly known one another in a positive light, the living situation was tense and uncomfortable, to say the least. However, my stepfather’s acknowledgment during that period of wrongdoings in the past, when I was just a child, creates hesitation in me now to explain the true nature of our relationship. He has tried, in his own way, to apologize and in some ways make up for our past problems, and while forgiveness is difficult to dole out, I was desperate at that juncture and agreed to take up his offer of a place to stay.
During those months, between October and May, I held full-time employment, but as is the situation for lots of people these days, was still unable to cover all of my bills. I could pay for the truck (that my husband had insisted on us buying) and the insurance and whatnot, but did not have enough left over to even consider moving out and paying rent and utilities elsewhere. The truck, unfortunately, was upside-down in value, due to the customary decline in value and also damaged from an accident that hadn’t been repaired (no $500 for the deductible), so trading it in or selling it wasn’t an option. Allowing it to be repossessed left me with no vehicle, and therefore no way to get to work. C’est la vie…
After months of battling internally with the realization that if I took a second job, I’d likely still be unable to cover all of the bills (since these positions were only paying $7.50-$8/hr.) and would hinder my chances of getting back in school (after having already completed 1.5 years approximately). Schooling was my best chance for upward mobility, and the best shot any woman has at relieving herself from financial dependence on a man, so I was careful to explore all available options to ensure they wouldn’t create further setbacks.
Somewhere throughout this time period, I stumbled across the idea of “dating” for a living. How I arrived at this option isn’t clear to me even now, except to suggest that it’s an option that lurks in the back of the mind of any woman facing financial peril. So, I picked up a copy of the book “Working: My Life As a Prostitute” by Dolores French in order to explore the realm of prostitution by the pen of a woman that openly embraces her involvement with this profession. And I supplemented this learning with a copy of “Prostitution: On Whores, Hustlers, and Johns” by James Elias, Vern L. Bullough, Veronica Elias, and Gwen Brewer, while also scouring the internet for information on how one goes about it. Mostly I came across sites of escorts living in southern California and Texas, many of whom charge quite a large amount and are truly gorgeous, and it was difficult to see myself as comparable. They gave the appearance of being new-age courtesans, a rank I didn’t feel was realistic to aspire to. Regardless, I spent time looking over their sites, paying attention to how they worded their services so as to avoid admitting any illegal activities. But again, this didn’t answer the question as to how a person goes about becoming involved in the first place. There didn’t appear, during my initial searches, to be an online escort presence in the Midwest.
After two months of reading the books and sites, all the while continuing to work for an employer that I despised (damn, she was difficult to please) and living with my ex-stepfather, I brought my idea to others. Why? Well, because I take everything back to my people, to put it plainly. The risk of judgment aside, I knew that certain family members and friends could appreciate the situation I found myself in and would likely give me objective feedback. (I know, crazy thought, right?) After consulting with my grandma and ex-stepdad on my plans, and receiving very different albeit relatively supportive feedback (to be discussed another time), I felt confident enough to go forward with exploring this option. I had to tell him because I was staying under his roof, and I told my grandma because she is my bestfriend, and neither put up much of an argument to the contrary. How odd, I think now.
Anyway, so not knowing how to begin and being afraid to make the leap, for obvious reasons (threats of violence, concerns about being exposed to drug pushers and users, etc.), I procrastinated for a week or more until one night, with a very heavy heart that most can’t imagine unless in that situation, I went out to a small tavern where I knew no one, determined to make enough money to cover my phone bill (the phone must stay on if you’re to find and keep a job these days). I walked right up to the best-dressed man in the place, which means he was wearing a sweater that wasn’t tattered, sat next to him, and later accompanied him to his home, all without mentioning my motivation. That is, until I reached his apartment and he was trying to kiss and grab at me and I just blurted it out and winced, waiting for a negative reaction. Lucky for me, aside from being a professor at a local university, this man was no stranger to seeing “bar gals”, mostly Mexican women that didn’t/couldn’t ask for much in terms of fees. We then set in to haggling, me starting at around $75 and him at $40, with us meeting in the middle at $60 for a 20-minute romp and 2-hour conversation that followed. During that conversation is when he suggested that I instead try my luck on run-of-the-mill dating sites, like yahoo personals, with a slightly suggestive ad to lure in prospective clients. And this is how it all began.
Within a month, I had designed my own site and discovered a few sites in the Midwestern escort link. After six months, I knew most of the major sites to advertise on and was earning a lot more than was ever originally expected. A year in, I was fairly established and on my way to creating a solid reputation while enjoying my work for the most part. Then five years went by and now here I stand, semi-retired, deciding where to go from here.
So, while in the end I wound up on a better rung of the ladder (if you can call it that – I earned less than many other escorts because I preferred to see fewer clients), I started at a sleezy bar as a 21-year-old girl with little idea of what was to come. Thanks to internet access, coupled with my desire to teach myself web design, I was able to reach a larger market with time. With greater exposure along with entry in the “circles” (sites, forums, private online groups), I was able to become more discerning as time went on, a luxury not afforded to the vast majority of prostitutes. I have no disillusions about my experience being rather atypical in the grand scheme of things, though regardless of where we may fall along the ladder (hierarchy of prostitution), the services provided and subsequent treatment by society remain similar.
Some ask, how does a woman come to consider prostitution a viable option? To which I answer: by being married first. Few women want to hear this, but the reality as I saw it at that time was I could be dependent on one man (as I was with my husband since he earned 2/3 of our income) or spread my dependence out to many, providing myself more freedom by not being attached to any one in particular, and thereby being allowed to live my life as I saw fit.
Great theory, and it worked for a good while, but then the other realities catch up with you, and it’s not uncommon for a woman to grow dependent on the industry in such a way that it’s very difficult to leave. Not simply because it’s “easy money” (that’s debatable in and of itself), but because the regular job market is extremely competitive and wages from only one income is becoming more and more tough for a person to sustain him/herself on, if not downright impossible in many cases, particularly for the uneducated. Women with children (as is the majority of other prostitutes I knew) are in an especially troubling situation, and even when they are able to secure a good job, moonlighting is generally required to bridge the economic gap.
But how does that relate with marriage? Well, I’ll have to tackle that topic another night. I will say that marriage can in some cases serve to condition you, though in my case it did more to set fire under my ass, refusing to put all of my eggs in one basket ever again, so to speak.
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The “Easy” Way Out - Why Prostitution Made Sense (Part 4) « Wake Me Now said
[...] These discussions back and forth have actually been helpful for me to put things into perspective. Tonight I tried to explain some of the mixed reactions I get from people in respect to me working as a prostitute since 2003. So, I figured there’s no better time than now to attempt to explain my own timeline of events and experiences leading up to my choice to become an escort. Consider this part 4 in the “Why Prostitution Made Sense” series (click here to see part 3, part 2, and part 1). [...]