After our “disagreement” a couple of weeks back, this is the letter he sent last night.
Hi *****:
I hope you can forgive me for getting completely carried away the last time we talked. I like to argue, and you were kind enough and strong enough to contradict me. I find it fun to disagree with someone, but I have a nasty tendency to turn it into a debate; a debate with the goal of winning instead of learning and enlightening. This works for me because I can stay very cold and impersonal. As we have discussed before, most people avoid debate because it is too easy to insult or take offense. Our talk illustrates the disadvantages of talking about substantive issues.
Here are a few interesting articles I have come across recently.
An article on how girls have far more frequent injuries that guys while playing sports. As discussed in the article, part of the problem is psychology. IMO, part of the problem is that sports are designed for guys, by guys; women should design sports in which they have the comparative advantage.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/11/magazine/11Girls-t.html
reader response to the above at
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/17/magazine/sokolove.html
an article on Teach for America
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/14/education/14teach.html
an opinion piece relating to a women faculty charging that her students are hostile to women teachers:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB120995103004666569.html?mod=opinion_main_commentaries
There are also article attached about stray dogs in Moscow.
Even though I stink at showing it, I love you and have great respect for you. I hope you are doing well.
Love, Dad.
Talk about not seeing this coming. It feels good to read his words (as odd and…well…”new” as they may seem) and I do genuinely appreciate his continued effort to find common ground and establish a relationship.
But it remains a tough situation to navigate. Yes, I forgive him for how things went down, but…I guess I just need some time to think it all through. I respect and commend his ability to come forward and apologize, as this is not something he probably would have done years back. It requires a lot of strength for some of us stubborn folks to back down and more still to want to work past our problems and hangups.
It’s still odd when he tells me loves me because it’s not something he used to ever say. And to read that he has respect for me these days comes as a shock even after hearing it a handful of times already. It just weirds me out a little, considering our history and all.
You know when someone treats you unfairly and you wish so hard that someday they’ll eat crow for that shit? Yeah, well, that’s how I’ve always felt about my stepdad. And then he did. And I’m not sure how to feel about that. It gives me great pride to be acknowledged and accepted by someone who has had such a profound impact on my life and upbringing, but it also feels really weird. Almost like a dream where I’ll wake up and none of it will be true. Just another figment of my imagination where we worked things out and learned to love one another.
I shouldn’t have said in a previous entry that he’s like extended family because it’s not true. He bears more consequence in my life, past and present, and his opinions certainly affect me more than those professed by a great-aunt.
So anyway…maybe I need to eat some crow too. And do a lot more thinking. But first I need to eat dinner.
Newsvine
wakemenow said
I do love my dad and regret any harsh or angry writings about him on the blog. We’ve done an incredible 180 in the last 6 years and I’m very glad he is in my life again and that we’re doing better.