I pissed off the anti-prostitution league apparently. Again. Damn, it really wasn’t my intention to come off like I was making light of the situation, but I get tired of all this mindless prostitution bashing. Yes, the profession has problems! Absolutely it does! Not the kind of job most people aspire to take part in, but some of us are relatively content considering the alternatives. We worked it to the best of our ability. It’s not like I come from a background of means; I just happened to learn to use a computer and jumped on the new-age way of navigating this business in order to stay as safe as possible. Is that a “privilege”? Apparently fucking so. God forbid I be self-educated. Thank god for that GED, right?
And my support network I speak of is made up of the few friends I’ve made over the years, though none of them could have helped me if serious trouble struck. My family consists of my grandparents, to whom I am very grateful to have had in my life. Pardon me for not having more of a sob story, though those who know me would attest it hasn’t been a fucking rose garden.
You know…this is why I get so god-damned mad at women sometimes. And I’m sorry to be so vulgar here but this has to come off my chest. This certainly isn’t directed at the lady who wrote that blog, though perhaps it should be directed to some of those who replied. Wake the fuck up! We DO have personal responsibility. You are NOT a sexual slave (especially in the United States) just because you happen to be a prostitute. There is a difference between prostitution and sexual slavery/trafficking and the blurring of that line is one more reason why so few people take liberal feminists seriously. Not to mention the damage it does to those who actually have endured enslavement and will carry those emotional and physical scars to their graves. This is the same damned problem I have with liberal feminists chucking comparatively mild date-rape into the same barrel as ultra-violent rape attacks. They are NOT the same and anyone who has lived through both can and will tell you this. They both are damaging, but the degrees do differ. Not that you would listen anyway.
Why must we screw with the language and dramatize everything to be so much bigger and badder than it is? Honesty and straight-forward facts educate people. Blowing shit out of proportion turns the listener off and may even drive them in the opposing direction. This is why kids rebel and quit listening to parents and educators – because the scare tactics and exaggerations are getting fucking old, people. It makes it to where folks don’t know what to believe anymore, so they just quit listening and your message falls on deaf ears. The problem is that it then poisons the well for everyone else, including those with real information to put forth. Way to go.
You know, women can be just as big of assholes as men. Hence why I’m so uncomfortable with the term “feminist” anymore. Freedom for women to choose to do with their own bodies as they see fit, so long as that doesn’t include taking money for sex. You hypocrites! That’s so dumb. They don’t want female “empowerment”; they want other women to toe the modern feminist line though it has nothing to do with what you as an individual may want, need, or prefer.
Women go into prostitution for various reasons, most of which have to do with needing money. Sometimes they’re forced in as teens. Other times they come in on their own. Some where badly abused as kids. Some were badly abused as adults. Some weren’t physically abused but dealt with emotional and psychological abuse. Some were neglected. And I’m sure there are some out there who haven’t experienced any of the above and had other reasons for joining the ranks. But yes, most people who go this route aren’t coming up in Suburbia, USA, with fantastic, supportive parents and a future so bright they gotta wear shades. Most folks are limited on options, myself included. And yet, because I don’t play the victim and cry about my experiences to anyone who will listen, my story doesn’t count. My opinion is just rude and uncalled for. I must just be “playing prostitute,” right? Can’t be real unless you hate it, right? Gee, thanks for telling ME how I ought to feel about my own god-damned life experiences!
Maybe not everybody comes from the same mold or thinks along the same lines. Maybe some of us make do with what we have and try to walk it off. Maybe some of us do enjoy sex and therefore don’t feel like every man that touches us is raping us. Maybe we’re not addicted to drugs that drive us into professions and/or illegal activities to support the habit and therefore can think more clearly about the men we’re having sex with. Even CHOOSING who we have sex with. Does this cease to be prostitution??? I’m sorry, but are feminists under the mistaken impression that the definition of prostitution is money in exchange for submitting to sex AND violence? Violence need not be a part of the equation, and the fact that it is speaks volumes about the type of culture and society we live in.
It’s the oldest known profession on earth. Do you think it’s ALWAYS been about punching women in their faces, calling them “tricks” and “whores,” and objectifying them as little more than body parts in a porno video? What about the concubines that long ago serviced priests? Were they beaten and denigrated too? Was it always about beating and “hating” women? Couldn’t possibly have ever been anything else, huh?
You know, sometimes I swear the people who “hate” and disrespect women most are the feminists themselves. They don’t fucking listen to any alternative perspectives if they don’t jibe with what Gloria Steinem claims. They don’t want to get to the root of the problems; they just want to bitch about it and blame men. And blame us “other” women who disagree with them as well. Well, fine, 80% of people are the problem then. Great. Good luck creating that sex-free, lesbian utopia.
This notion that all sex is potentially violent or dehumanizing to women is no different than the argument that ALL men are potentially rapists. Just because you have a penis doesn’t make you a potential predator anymore than because you accept money in exchange for companionship automatically means you must be enslaved. That’s just not using your noodles, ladies. All these educated women out here and shit like this is what you come up with. Why? Who really benefits from spreading this nonsense? Not yourselves. Certainly not the rest of us. Just breeds contempt (or apathy if you’ve grown immune to the exaggerated BS).
You know, I replied to that girl privately as well and honestly was not trying to cause problems on her blog. Just wanted to scratch a little deeper below the surface is all. Newsflash for anyone reading this: if you thought violence began and ended with the existence of prostitution, you are beyond naive. It’s so much bigger than that. To simply blame prostitution is just a scapegoat to avoid dealing with the deeper cultural and social problems, some of which were exacerbated by the feminist movement itself, albeit unintentionally. How can you hope to fix something you don’t even understand in the first place? (Sounds eerily similar to the Obama camp’s mindset, doesn’t it? Hope and change, though we have no idea how! Hooray!) I jump in these conversations to offer an alternative perspective, though it’s crystal clear that my perspective is unwanted. Well, fine. I wish her well in healing regardless.
But I meant it when I said that the violence isn’t limited to the clients, and in my experience, men outside of the so-called “hobby” caused far more damage than those within. We can take this back to Mr. Lane, the 70+ year old man who decided to play sugar daddy to a 14 year old child. Or we can go even further back to the female, butch, lesbian step-cousin who put her hands on me beginning at the age of 6. I mean really, must we compare where the pain comes from? Is it really any greater if it’s caused by a “customer” versus anyone else, or a man instead of a woman? The single person who did the most damage in my life was my mother. Would it have been any different had it been a daddy? Oh, I’m sorry, apparently being attacked only twice by clients just isn’t enough. If it’s not happening daily, you must not be doing your job correctly, huh? (Or perhaps some aren’t being careful enough…) It’s just not the same when a lover fucks you up physically and mentally, right? Or a stranger. Yeah, what was I thinking, waltzing in there speaking from my position of “privilege” and all?
Man, fuck this shit. Whatever. Let ‘em have their pity party. Poor us! How dare we be created with these cursed vaginas that men so desire! Men don’t lust for us unless they wish to control and beat us! Always trying to keep us women down! Victims, that’s all we can ever be!
Pssst…maybe we do more to keep ourselves down than we realize.
Once more people wake up to the realization that sex isn’t in itself the problem, nor is money, nor is commerce, or any combination thereof, perhaps we can get down to talking about what ails us socially. Until then, I’m tired of the back and forth, being blamed for pissing in someone else’s cheerios just because I refuse to accept the typical, mindless propaganda. We women have strength and nobody took it from us, though we do a dandy job of jacking up one another and some seem more than willing to relinquish their power to anyone else willing to hold that leash. Maybe they’re weak. Maybe they want to be abused. Maybe I don’t understand this concept of lacking respect for oneself since it’s unavoidably self-defeating. You’re all you’ve got in this life.
To listen to some of these women talk, you’d think men were some hateful motherfuckers. But what they don’t seem to get (or refuse to acknowledge) is that women can be every bit as hateful themselves. Lucky for all of us that the vast majority of human beings out there have a greater sense of humanity and respect for life than feminist literature suggests.
Go ahead, blame the prostitutes who refuse to repent and the clients who see us. And pat yourselves on the back for being so much more “enlightened” than us neanderthals.
Or you could try judging people as they come and not stereotyping situations based on what you saw on HBO.
Ugh. I need a cigarette so bad now. Shouldn’t have checked that link but it came up on my frickin’ incoming traffic log. Lesson learned. Gotta head to the store now. So much for that nap.
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wakemenow said
As Lars said earlier, it would help if people holding their opinion(s) would qualify what they’re talking about instead of applying it to all prostitutes across the board. Don’t presume to speak for all of us. I sure wouldn’t attempt to speak for all of you.
wakemenow said
Yeah, lots of venom over here. And this is EXACTLY why I’m conflicted over referring to myself as a feminist.
I think I prefer the title of humanitarian now, thanks.
wakemenow said
Calmed down now. I wouldn’t get so irritated if this argument didn’t resurface every so many months, both online and in person. It’s just frustrating discussing this topic with others who absolutely refuse to consider a perspective outside of that touted by the mainstream feminist mindset. Wouldn’t it be great if more women (and people in general) learned to think for themselves instead of just digesting and regurgitating that told to them by the supposed “experts”?
Feminism is based on various (sometimes conflicting) theories so to treat these topics as though they are black and white absolutes is ridiculously naive and smacks of the same arrogance you’d expect from Christian Fundamentalist extremists, not open-minded “liberals” searching for truth.