For the record, the apartment I put down a deposit for did come through and the lease was changed to accommodate my concerns. The keys were handed over yesterday and today I moved the first load of dishes to the new place and put them directly in the dishwasher. 
So glad to have a dishwasher again!
The new apartment had carpet installed last week, which looks nice. It’s not much bigger than my current apartment, but hopefully it will still accommodate all my stuff, plus a roommate eventually. Cutting costs is the name of the game in 2009, as I’m sure it will be for many others. With rent set at over $600/mo., it will be nice to have someone to split this with. Maybe a young college student who works a lot and isn’t around too often. That would be nice since I’m a homebody who prefers time to myself.
Haven’t been to my bar except one time in the past couple of weeks, and that was with a buddy for two brews. Had a falling out with a man I had met there and been hanging out with for a couple of months. Who knows why? As always, the lesson learned here is if you hope to remain in contact with a “civie” man for any real length of time, do not engage in sex with him. He’ll blow out faster than you can get your pants back on. It’s a lesson I’ve learned too many times throughout the years, but who doesn’t occasionally desire some playful fun between the sheets? Just because I work as an escort doesn’t mean that I too don’t desire some fun in my personal life. But there’s so much unnecessary drama and negativity that I don’t have the tolerance to continue putting up with. What do I get out of it? No income, obviously. The treatment is usually poorer than that I receive from my clients (oddly enough, it would seem). The sex is often rushed, weird and uncomfortable, so what great prize is there in sleeping with yet another man? There’s no prize (usually). None at all. He kicked me to the curb for no reason other than he had apparently gotten what he was looking for and that was that. Two months we hung out and cuddled and slept over at one another’s homes and went out at night, so it’s not as if I didn’t give us time to get to know one another a bit. Not to mention we explicitly discussed upfront that a one-night or one-week stand was NOT what I was looking for and that mutual respect is very important. Ugh. So irritating.
The trouble isn’t this guy since he’s just one of many. I don’t have any interest in the dude and prefer never to see him again. He was such a jerk afterwards to where it’s blatantly obvious now that I apparently didn’t know this guy at all. My galpal met him on a couple of occasions. He seemed sweet and sensitive, cooking breakfast for me some mornings. But come to find out he’s got what appears to be more than a passing fancy for the nose candy. So whatever…good riddance. Didn’t have to be an ass though.
The problem is that this is how it almost always goes. Outside of my friends and clients, that is. In my professional life, we don’t have these sorts of issues and the men are generally more than willing to be courteous and affectionate. Sex occurs in both situations, so why is it so much more of a headache in my personal life? That’s an excellent question that I’d love an answer to. Just doesn’t seem like this is how it should shake out. A layman would assume my clients are the abusive, abrasive ones when really it’s the men I date in my personal life. Go figure! I’ve only been attacked by two clients, but I’ve long since lost count on the number of problems brought to me by everyday men. Why is that? It seems so back assward, doesn’t it? Why do my clients treat me with FAR more respect and decency than average, everyday men I meet? Kinda makes me glad I am an escort for fear if I hadn’t become one, my opinion of all things male might be in the garbage by now. Isn’t that sad? That’s downright weird. But it’s the honest truth.
Friends and clients treat me well. The rest I’m learning to avoid. It’s not as though I ask for much out of the men I date in my personal life. In fact, some would say I continue to be too tolerant, putting up with stuff that’s beneath me. Like this last guy’s trashy ass house and poor table manners. Not to mention the fact that he’s not very attractive. But I try not to care about petty stuff. If I like a person, these sort of things don’t make as much of a difference in my book (though his lack of table manners were a bit embarrassing). Attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder and I firmly believe you have to let your eyes soften on people and base your judgment on their actions and personality.
It’s not as though I ask for financial help (which I hear men complain about plenty) because, as my people know, when it comes to personal dating, I’m fiercely proud of maintaining my own separate income and spending habits. Nothing sucks worse than having to answer to a lover over how much money you spent and where. Oh sure, I like being treated but that’s not the same as seeking a financial savior.
I don’t ask a man to live my life or make decisions on my behalf. Those who know will attest to me being able to make up my own mind quite well. I do demand regular sex (god forbid!), and a man who can cook scores brownie points in my book. I do expect him to be respectful, not only toward me but toward all people, and to be the kind of man interested in doing the right thing, whatever that may be, regardless of the difficulty involved. We call that integrity and it matters to me, though no, I don’t expect anyone to be perfect. It’s a sad state of affairs when I can still hold my ex-husband up on a pedestal when compared to other men I’ve date since. That’s just stupid. (Not to knock on him, but we divorced for valid reasons.)
Yes, I have an unpopular profession, but that’s no reason to treat me like scum. My clients don’t treat me like scum, so what gives? Don’t like what I do then, by all means, don’t date me. Don’t touch me. Don’t pretend to be something you’re not just to have sex with me or any other woman. That’s a horrible idea. Why would anyone wish to have sex with someone they don’t even like? If a client is a disrespectful brute, I refuse to continue the date any further. Period. It just makes sense that we should want to demonstrate respect and reverence toward intimate matters and treat others as we wish to be treated (as hypocritical as that might sound coming from someone like me). It’s the only way to get through this life with a shred of sanity, IMHO.
I’m not a user or an abuser or a controlling bitch. I am, however, set in my ways and interested in meeting a man who gives a damn about something other than football. An honest person. Maybe if I dated women my complaints wouldn’t be all that different, but I don’t date women so this is the perspective I can offer.
Dating sucks. Shoot, just meeting new friends is tough enough. One in a hundred of those I come into contact with probably even become regular acquaintances. Not that I can complain here since my friends are incredible people who I admire very much. But why is my taste in friends so much better than my taste in dating partners? Hell, why do I attract decent clients but can’t attract a halfway-decent, employed, intelligent mate? Oh, I can attract tons of guys whose only aim is to live off of a woman, but who wants that???
Dating is a joke. Dating sites grew old since most men I’ve met through them were looking for a quickie between the sheets with little or no effort on their part in terms of buying dinner or even drinks. Isn’t that sad? Cheap, rude, arrogant, selfish people. I’ve had my fill with all of that.
Believe it or not, my role in life is not to be treated as someone’s blow-up doll. And trust me, I had these same problems before ever becoming an escort. To blame the job is to miss the point. LOTS of women are complaining about the dating scene. Hell, lots of men too. So where’s the disconnect here? Why do so many of us seem to think it’s okay to treat others like disposable items we purchase at walmart instead of actual thinking, feeling human beings? It’s nothing short of a travesty, IMO, and not likely to be resolved any time soon. A good number of men view women as little more than holes (*cringe* I HATE this reference), and plenty of those same men complain that women treat them as little more than walking ATMs. But how can that be when there’s plenty of decent people out here with higher ambitions than getting into people’s pants or wallets? Is the problem that there are just too many assholes in the general population these days?
Ugh. Nevermind. My friend’s here with the moving boxes. Out.
Newsvine
