Archive for February, 2009

Stories of Old

Just spoke to my grandma on the phone after this morning’s non-escorting appointments, and we discussed the guilt that goes along with being the other woman.  My grandma was cheated on for years by my papa, a man I love very much but who I struggle to see eye to eye with because of the impact his past behaviors had on our family.  She told me a story I’d never heard before of a time back early in their marriage where a woman befriended both her and papa, going to church with grandma on Sundays and giving the impression that she was close with both of them.  In the end, she invited my grandma to her home to tell her of the affair she’d been having with my papa behind her back, saying it was over but that she just wanted to “clear the air.”  Grandma was pregnant with her first child during that time.  She said the pain that came from that still hurts her, now more than 40 years later, and that it almost hurt more coming from a woman she thought was her friend than from the man she was married to.  I can relate with that.

I’ll write more later.

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Shit.

The more I think on it, the more undeniable it is that I’ve changed.  Can’t go back and I’m not so certain where to move forward from here.

They say it’s a man’s world, but I refuse to accept this pompous notion.  I think maybe this world does harm to men too but they’re unable to realize the extent due to being razzled by all of its glitter and intoxicated by its rotting fruits.

I don’t want to defend pornography, not because porn in and of itself is wrong per se but because everything seems to have become pornographic these days.  And while I do continue to defend prostitution, it’s being pulled into that same sinkhole, distorted and distorting everything around it.  The institution of marriage is dissected and gutted, rendering it little more than just another tit-for-tat, “don’t ask, don’t tell” agreement.  Relationships within our “ME ME ME” society are diluted in an effort to extract the “drama” and reduce controversy, viewing “other” people as inconveniences to be managed, stifling the social magic in favor of expediency and utility.

How does one accept this?  How does one make a living in this sort of world without selling out all scruples and ethics?  How honest of a profession is prostitution anymore, now that I can see clearly after the storm?

It’s not prostitution’s fault…something snapped inside me.  And it’s not prostitution I run from but people and the ignorant notion that all others were put on this earth expressly for one’s own benefit, to use as seen fit and discarded afterward as little more than human trash.

Some say I should focus instead on writing projects, but what audience remains worth talking to?  Better yet, what could I possibly have to say that anyone else gives a damn to hear?

Time for a non-escorting appointment now.

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Juan Enriquez: Tech evolution will eclipse the financial crisis

His excellent speech on TED:

Never heard of this man before now and am glad to have stumbled across this video clip.

Here he is again speaking on the topic: “Why can’t we grow new energy?”

Interesting stuff to play on the imagination.

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Personal Irritation

Ugh.  I hate it when dates don’t go as well as planned.  He was young, early 30s, single, good-looking, and good in bed.  He was also polite and accommodating.  What’s not to like, right?  It wasn’t him, it’s me. Read the rest of this entry »

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In for the night

One of my galpals was sick and couldn’t make it out tonight, so I stayed in and had a guyfriend over to finally watch the Patsy Cline documentary.  DVD player hasn’t been working.

Anyway, I’m sorting through escort listings and sites, figuring out where to put up ads and where to avoid.  Some of the places I used in the past to advertise on no longer hold appeal.

The kettle of water is on the stove for cocoa and I’m setting up to spend the rest of what’s left of the night on the computer, deciding on other blog content.  This blog may fall to the wayside temporarily since my priorities are elsewhere.

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Guilt & Sobriety

Ya know, I’ve always been one to fancy a little somethin’-somethin’ to help calm my nerves, to relieve inhibitions, or just plain as a sleep aid.  But then there’s this puritanical part of me that always feels guilty for indulging.

This is what I get for being born to a family mostly comprised of tee-totalers.  Read the rest of this entry »

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Postmodernism

According to Wikipedia:

Postmodernism literally means ‘after the modernist movement’. While “modern” itself refers to something “related to the present”, the movement of modernism and the following reaction of postmodernism are defined by a set of perspectives. It is used in critical theory to refer to a point of departure for works of literature, drama, architecture, cinema and design, as well as in marketing and business and the interpretation of history, law and culture in the late 20th century.

Postmodernism is an aesthetic, literary, political or social philosophy, which was the basis of the attempt to describe a condition, or a state of being, or something concerned with changes to institutions and conditions (as in Giddens, 1990) as postmodernity. In other words, postmodernism is the “cultural and intellectual phenomenon”, especially since the 1920s’ new movements in the arts, while postmodernity focuses on social and political outworkings and innovations globally, especially since the 1960s in the West.

The Compact Oxford English Dictionary refers to postmodernism as “a style and concept in the arts characterized by distrust of theories and ideologies and by the drawing of attention to conventions.”[1]

The term postmodern is described by Merriam-Webster as meaning either “of, relating to, or being an era after a modern one” or “of, relating to, or being any of various movements in reaction to modernism that are typically characterized by a return to traditional materials and forms (as in architecture) or by ironic self-reference and absurdity (as in literature)”, or finally “of, relating to, or being a theory that involves a radical reappraisal of modern assumptions about culture, identity, history, or language”.

Reaction to modernism

Postmodernism was originally a reaction to modernism. Largely influenced by the Western European “disillusionment” induced by World War II, postmodernism tends to refer to a cultural, intellectual, or artistic state lacking a clear central hierarchy or organizing principle and embodying extreme complexity, contradiction, ambiguity, diversity, interconnectedness or interreferentiality,[4] in a way that is often indistinguishable from a parody of itself. It has given rise to charges of fraudulence.[5]

Postmodernity is a derivative referring to non-art aspects of history that were influenced by the new movement, namely developments in society, economy and culture since the 1960s.[6] When the idea of a reaction or rejection of modernism was borrowed by other fields, it became synonymous in some contexts with postmodernity. The term is closely linked with poststructuralism (cf. Michel Foucault) and with modernism, in terms of a rejection of its bourgeois, elitist culture.[7]

Influence and distinction from postmodernity

Postmodernist ideas in philosophy and the analysis of culture and society expanded the importance of critical theory and has been the point of departure for works of literature, architecture, and design, as well as being visible in marketing/business and the interpretation of history, law and culture, starting in the late 20th century. These developments — re-evaluation of the entire Western value system (love, marriage, popular culture, shift from industrial to service economy) that took place since 1950’s and 1960’s, with a peak in the Social Revolution of 1968 — are described with the term postmodernity,[14] as opposed to postmodernism, a term referring to an opinion or movement. Whereas something being “postmodernist” would make it part of the movement, its being “postmodern” would place it in the period of time since the 1950s, making it a part of contemporary history.

Notwithstanding the foregoing distinctions, both terms can be synonymous and interchangeable in common parlance, given the fluidity and ongoing evolution of their definitions.

The usage and extent of the concept of ‘postmodernism’

Whether ‘postmodernism’ is seen as a critical concept or merely a buzzword, one cannot deny its range. Dick Hebdige, in his ‘Hiding in the Light’ illustrates this:

When it becomes possible for a people to describe as ‘postmodern’ the décor of a room, the design of a building, the diegesis of a film, the construction of a record, or a ‘scratch’ video, a television commercial, or an arts documentary, or the ‘intertextual’ relations between them, the layout of a page in a fashion magazine or critical journal, an anti-teleological tendency within epistemology, the attack on the ‘metaphysics of presence’ a general attenuation of feeling, the collective chagrin and morbid projections of a post-War generation of baby boomers confronting disillusioned middle-age, the ‘predicament of reflexitivity, a group of rhetorical tropes, a proliferation of surfaces, a new phase in commodity fetishism, a fascination for images, codes and styles, a process of cultural, political or existential fragmentation and/or crisis, the ‘de-centring’ of the subject, an ‘incredulity towards metanarratives’, the replacement of unitary power axes by a plurality of power/discourse formations, the ‘implosion of meaning’, the collapse of cultural hierarchies, the dread engendered by the threat of nuclear self-destruction, the decline of the university, the functioning and effects of the new miniaturised technologies, broad societal and economic shifts into a ‘media’, ‘consumer’ or ‘multinational’ phase, a sense (depending on who you read) of ‘placelessness’ or the abandonment of ‘placelessness’ (critical regionalism) or (even) a generalised substitution of spatial for temporal coordinates: when it becomes possible to describe all these things as ‘postmodern’ (or more simply using a current abbreviation as ‘post’ or ‘very post’) then it’s clear we are in the presence of a buzzword.[15]

That last bit succinctly sums up why I’m opposed to using the terms “postmodern” or “postmodernistic.”  When I mention “modern times” and “modern technology,” the last 150 years is what’s being referred to.  Sorting by chronology is a quirk or habit of mine and has nothing to do with the movements and philosophies described above.

After reading a bunch pertaining to postmodernism on the Standford Encyclopedia of Philosophy’s website, I’m more convinced than ever that there’s no place for me up in those discussions.  Philosophy courses blew my mind in college, particularly a Philosophy of Religion course that had to be dropped.  Oh sure, the study of philosophy puts forth lots of useful stuff to chew and reflect on, but you can get lost in its maze of words for years if you let it suck you in, probably only to be spit out more confused and less wise than before.  Because the academic pursuit of philosophical understandings and explanations is a complex, sordid affair argued from perspectives influenced by whatever era bore them.  Philosophy doesn’t tend to be a poor man’s field either.

Philosophy absolutely has relevance and value, just that the philosophy community and its so-called experts are better left to argue and hash out the fine details and semantics.  The average person doesn’t have the time or uncommitted brain cells to delve deep into the debates and controversy of this academic discipline, myself firmly included.  Some of the stuff Nietzsche says makes sense, but other parts lose me completely.  Somewhere along the way he veers right, I veer left.

Reminds me that to find information useful and relevant doesn’t require accepting all conjectures the author puts forward.  That’s how I view the realm of philosophy in a nutshell: taking pieces and parts that make the most sense, rolling ideas around to try to ascertain what value they may have, caring more for the concepts than the people who dreamed them up.  Caring more for the outcome than the intricate process required to carry us collectively into the next stage of cognitive and intellectual understanding.  Though I also appreciate philosophy’s importance.

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Times Passed

Yes, I still think of my former friend the priest daily, even if he isn’t mentioned much on here anymore.  What more can be said?  It’s over and will remain so.  But he is still in my thoughts everyday.  How could he not be?

I say this because a client buddy mentioned him today, asking how I was holding up.  People seem surprised by how little animosity I hold in the aftermath, uncharacteristic of me for certain.  But as stated earlier today, my options are what?  I cannot change the past.  Revenge will do no one any good in this situation and would probably only exacerbate tensions, giving rise to more (mindless) rebellion.  Can’t change him no matter how much it may be desired; only he has the power to change himself.  Dwelling on what transpired only robs me of solace and doesn’t repair what went down.  What can I do?

I do care and it did hurt, but what can be done now?  It’s over.  Every time I pick up a book by Joseph Campbell or read about and discuss matters relating to Christianity and other major religions, his memory sits perched in my mind’s peripheral vision.  A ghost, like so many others of times passed, can’t be reached for questions, advice, or opinions.  All you can do is connect the few puzzle pieces you do have and imagine what their perspectives may be on any given topic.  Not that it matters here.  I’ve learned more in what he didn’t say than what he did.  His secrets told more truth than his words were capable of.

Not much time has elapsed but it already feels like an eternity.  He is so far away from me, a mere 1.5 months after the fact, and I can’t imagine him in my life in any capacity any longer.  My father was right in saying that it’s best to remember the good times and to take from it what was useful because really that’s all there is that matters.  The man was a good friend to me for a number of years, even if I never really knew him.

Sometimes now I blush in remembrance of all the stories I told him, the secrets I shared, but what’s done is done and can’t be unsaid.   Bet he feels the same way, wishing now I didn’t know so much about him either.  But our paths crossed for a reason, this I believe.  For an agnostic “radical” prostitute of my caliber and ilk to befriend a priest-in-hiding…seems far-fetched to be little more than random coincidence, doesn’t it?

Like there’s more to the story than meets the eye.  I see him now as a character in this unfolding story of life meant to teach me something, through his words but moreso through his actions.  For this, he will never be forgotten.

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Filthy & Gorgeous

My little guilty pleasure is loving the Scissor Sisters’ “Filthy & Gorgeous”, a song that toppled into my lap by happenstance while searching on eMule one night.  You can watch the HD video on youtube (embedding disabled).

Acid trip, techno music grooves me occasionally, not being my preferred everyday genre to listen to.

Watching the video and reading the lyrics for the first time tonight brings to mind the industry, naturally, and where it intersects with the BDSM and gay club scenes.  The video linked above pretty much pinpoints what that kind of party would look like, with gender lines severely blurred in a freakshow, porn-ish environment.  (“Pornish” = porn-like, hints or smacks of porn — new word for our vocabulary)  Kinda hard to watch stuff like that and claim not to understand the shock and fear of bystander parties, like the Christian Right for instance.  lol  (Not that they don’t get freaky too, but you have to admit the gay/BDSM/hooker party scene is off the chain!  LOL) Read the rest of this entry »

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Will Obama Change U.S. Policy Toward Latin America?

by Mark Weisbrot
February 23, 2009

Posted on Guardian.co.uk and SleptOn Magazine:

U.S.-Latin American relations fell to record lows during the Bush years, and there have been hopes – both North and South of the border – that President Obama would bring a fresh approach. So far, however, most signals are pointing to continuity rather than change.

President Obama started off with an unprovoked verbal assault on Venezuela. In an interview broadcast by the Spanish language television station Univision on the Sunday before his inauguration, he accused President Hugo Chávez of Venezuela of having “impeded progress in the region” and “exporting terrorist activities.”

These remarks were unusually hostile and threatening even by the previous administration’s standards. They are also untrue and diametrically opposed to the way the rest of the region sees Venezuela. The charge that Venezuela is “exporting terrorism” would not pass the laugh test among almost any government in Latin America. José Miguel Insulza, the Chilean Secretary General of the OAS, was speaking for almost all the countries in the hemisphere when he told the U.S. Congress last year that “there is no evidence” and that no member country, including the United States, had offered “any such proof” that Venezuela supported terrorist groups.

Nor do the other Latin American democracies see Venezuela as an obstacle to progress in the region. On the contrary, President Lula da Silva of Brazil – along with several other presidents in South America — has repeatedly defended Chávez and his role in the region. Just a few days after Obama denounced Venezuela, Lula was in Venezuela’s southern state of Zulia, where he emphasized his strategic partnership with Chávez and their common efforts at regional economic integration.

Obama’s statement was no accident; whoever fed him these lines very likely intended to send a message to the Venezuelan electorate before last Sunday’s referendum that Venezuela won’t have decent relations with the US so long as Chávez is their elected president. (Voters decided to remove term limits for elected officials, paving the way for Chávez to run again in 2013.)

There is definitely at least a faction of the Obama administration that wants to continue the Bush policies. James Steinberg, number two to Hillary Clinton in the State Department, took a gratuitous swipe at Bolivia and Venezuela during his confirmation process, saying that the United States should provide a “counterweight to governments like those currently in power in Venezuela and Bolivia which pursue policies which do not serve the interests of their people or the region.”

Another sign of continuity is that Obama has not yet replaced Bush’s top State Department official for the Western Hemisphere, Thomas Shannon.

The U.S. media plays the role of enabler in this situation. Thus the Associated Press ignores the attacks from Washington and portrays Chávez’s response as nothing more than an electoral ploy on his part. In fact, Chávez had been uncharacteristically restrained. He did not respond to attacks throughout the long U.S. presidential campaign, even when Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden called him a “dictator,” or Obama described him as “despotic” – labels that no serious political scientist anywhere would accept for a democratically elected president of a country where the opposition dominates the media. He wrote it off as the influence of South Florida on U.S. presidential elections.

But there are few if any presidents in the world that would take repeated verbal abuse from another government without responding. Obama’s advisors know that no matter what this administration does to Venezuela, the press will portray Chávez as the aggressor. So it’s an easy, if cynical, political calculation for them to poison relations from the outset. What they have not yet realized is that by doing so they are alienating the majority of the region.

There is still hope for change in U.S. foreign policy toward Latin America, which has become thoroughly discredited on everything from the “war on drugs,” to the Cuba embargo to trade policy. But as during the Bush years, we will need relentless pressure from the South. Last September UNASUR (the Union of South American Nations) strongly backed Bolivia’s government against opposition violence and destabilization. This was very successful in countering Washington’s tacit support for the more extremist elements of Bolivia’s opposition. It showed the Bush administration that the region was not going to tolerate any attempts to legitimize an extra-legal opposition in Bolivia or to grant it special rights outside of the democratic political process.

Several presidents, including Lula, have called upon Obama to lift the embargo on Cuba, as they congratulated him on his victory. Lula also asked Obama to meet with Chávez. Hopefully these governments will continue to assert — repeatedly, publicly, and with one voice — that Washington’s problems with Cuba, Bolivia, and Venezuela are Washington’s problems, and not the result of anything that those governments have done. When the Obama team is convinced that a “divide and conquer” approach to the region will fail just as miserably for this administration as it did for the previous one, then we may see the beginnings of a new policy toward Latin America.

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Mark Weisbrot is Co-Director of the Center for Economic and Policy Research, in Washington, D.C. (www.cepr.net).

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Thursday Night Reflections

It’s been a hell of a year already. Ya know, 2008 really sucked in the beginning and ended on a weird note, but all in all, it could have been worse. Beat the hell out of 2007! That year was for the birds. And I have a feeling 2009 is going to better. Oh, you can bet it will be weird and twisted and strange (as all years inevitably wind up being), and it may be cruel in places, but maybe, just maybe, it will be a little kinder. I have faith it will.

lol

Back to sipping my wine cooler now.

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Miss Renegade

You have to be a bit of a renegade to do, by choice, what I do.  And I was a renegade from the very beginning, from diapers up through dating.  Let’s start there. Read the rest of this entry »

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Son of Nun (S.O.N.)

Just came across this hip-hop artist tonight:

Speak On It

Now this man has a message worth listening to.  Just when I thought my faith in the rap and hip-hop community was beyond all repair…

Reality Check

Free Palestine

Right On

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A Busy Week

With the new basically completed and ready to be launched out into Escortland, there’s still no end in sight to what needs to be worked on.  I’ll continue tweaking the pages and adding content to the site blog, and hopefully it will be well-received and functional on all browsers (having only viewed it so far using Firefox and IE).

The rest of the time I’ve been working on my day-job site, updating content information and switching out images.  With spring right around the corner, it’s time to ramp up marketing efforts, so I ordered new business cards, magnets, and ads last night.  Tried designing new brochures tonight, but unfortunately screwed them up on VistaPrint and can’t muster the will to redo all of that on their screwy editor.  (Nothing but love for VistaPrint, just wish I’d seen the “save” button before those last edits were made.  My bad.  ashamed ) Read the rest of this entry »

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Sleep schedule from hell

Few would care to trade places with me if it meant adopting my sleep schedule.  You have no idea how crazy it is.  Saturday night I didn’t sleep at all, Sunday afternoon brought the crash, and come 10pm Sunday night, I’m back up again, unable to sleep.  This following an entire week of sleep deprivation.  ‘Tis my life. Read the rest of this entry »

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