Yes, I still think of my former friend the priest daily, even if he isn’t mentioned much on here anymore. What more can be said? It’s over and will remain so. But he is still in my thoughts everyday. How could he not be?
I say this because a client buddy mentioned him today, asking how I was holding up. People seem surprised by how little animosity I hold in the aftermath, uncharacteristic of me for certain. But as stated earlier today, my options are what? I cannot change the past. Revenge will do no one any good in this situation and would probably only exacerbate tensions, giving rise to more (mindless) rebellion. Can’t change him no matter how much it may be desired; only he has the power to change himself. Dwelling on what transpired only robs me of solace and doesn’t repair what went down. What can I do?
I do care and it did hurt, but what can be done now? It’s over. Every time I pick up a book by Joseph Campbell or read about and discuss matters relating to Christianity and other major religions, his memory sits perched in my mind’s peripheral vision. A ghost, like so many others of times passed, can’t be reached for questions, advice, or opinions. All you can do is connect the few puzzle pieces you do have and imagine what their perspectives may be on any given topic. Not that it matters here. I’ve learned more in what he didn’t say than what he did. His secrets told more truth than his words were capable of.
Not much time has elapsed but it already feels like an eternity. He is so far away from me, a mere 1.5 months after the fact, and I can’t imagine him in my life in any capacity any longer. My father was right in saying that it’s best to remember the good times and to take from it what was useful because really that’s all there is that matters. The man was a good friend to me for a number of years, even if I never really knew him.
Sometimes now I blush in remembrance of all the stories I told him, the secrets I shared, but what’s done is done and can’t be unsaid. Bet he feels the same way, wishing now I didn’t know so much about him either. But our paths crossed for a reason, this I believe. For an agnostic “radical” prostitute of my caliber and ilk to befriend a priest-in-hiding…seems far-fetched to be little more than random coincidence, doesn’t it?
Like there’s more to the story than meets the eye. I see him now as a character in this unfolding story of life meant to teach me something, through his words but moreso through his actions. For this, he will never be forgotten.
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