Recently I picked up Spike Gillespie’s Pissed Off: On Anger and Women since it looked provocative on amazon. Halfway through it and I don’t like it. Her gripes remind me of my mom’s and most of the examples used to demonstrate Spike and her friends’ point of view strike me as self-centered and shallow. Basically a bitchfest by a woman who feels gipped because her upbringing wasn’t as great as it might could have been. Not having read her other books, I’m only going by what’s stated in this one. It wouldn’t really irk me if not for her admitting throughout the ways she’s screwing up her own kid in the process and remaining dismissive as though what she’s doing to her own child isn’t comparable to what was done to her. That’s pretty narcissistic if you ask me and I know all too well about it. So yeah, probably won’t be picking up other titles from this author. Though I do admire her honesty and wish her well in letting some of that anger go.
I can understand anger, just not why some people insist on clinging to it throughout their lives, holding massive grudges and getting all bent out of shape to where the future is jeopardized. With people who’ve experienced severe trauma, it’s easier to understand, and plenty have good reason to be angry for a spell. I try not to judge on this sort of thing and was angry myself for a number of years, but then doesn’t there come a time when enough is enough? Again, serious trauma victims I understand don’t have as much control over these aggressive thoughts and I’m not referring to them here. It’s the people like my mother who didn’t have perfect childhoods, but hey, it really could’ve been worse. It sucked, but it’s over now. She’s had her revenge. Why continue holding all that hatred and spewing it to anyone willing to listen? I grew up with her parents too and know how they are, though they have chilled out a lot later in life; it’s just tough dealing with someone who harbors so much anger and resentment and doesn’t realize she’s hurting you too, perpetuating the very cycle albeit in a different manner. Rather than drinking, she withdrew into her own fantasy world, and mom’s anger distracted her from being a decent parent. She was neglectful, forever consumed with licking her own wounds and living her own life.
So reading this book feels like a memoir from a woman of similar age with that same frustrating outlook. I really do try to sympathize and relate, but she denies her influence on me, dismissing it as trivial. Ya know, a part of me forgives her already, but before we can start talking again she has to at least acknowledge her own wrongdoings. Maybe that will help her to understand her parents’ perspectives a little better, seeing how easy it is to screw up parenting.
In ways, I had it much easier because I preferred living with her parents to living anywhere else and did get to live with them intermittently. Mom didn’t have a refuge elsewhere to turn to.
So, I’ll finish reading the book and try to keep an open mind.
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wakemenow said
Some of the stuff written on here last year is very angry, particularly towards people in my family. And some of it was unwarranted and deserves to be removed. I’ve taken some down already and will continue to do so as I see fit. Getting out that anger was worthwhile, but I don’t need to continue dragging its corpse around. No point in saying such mean things. What needed to come out last year in hindsight now looks childish and paltry. Amazing what a difference a year can make.
Moving on…