Chatted with one of my neighbors tonight. First time too. Seen him around and he seems cool, but we’d never said much but in passing. Just happened to strike up a conversation outside around 10pm and wound up talking ’til 3am. Wow. Long time. Wasn’t just me jabbering the whole time either, though sure, I probably did dominate the conversation a bit. Nice guy. Younger, though very intelligent. In a nutshell the conversation was on a handful of books, imagination, and life. Lots of topics were broached. Very nice guy. Good to get to know the neighbors. 
We exchanged books, with him lending me Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451.
Unfortunately I neglected to call back a friend this evening. My apologies. I totally didn’t mean to be like that, it was just odd chatting with a neighbor about that kind of stuff. How often does that happen? Probably more to me than most, but still. Doesn’t happen frequently, for sure. It’s great chatting with others who know about some of these things and care enough to not run completely away from reality like deaf sheep.
I had begun reading American Fascists: The Christian Right and the War on America by Chris Hedges, after just finishing his Losing Moses on the Freeway (good book – recommend it). Probably will put it on hold and read the Fahrenheit book now. Too curious not to. The reviews on Amazon sound intriguing.
Ya know, I’ve been in a slight bummer of a mood the past couple of days. Mostly because I hadn’t done too well this week with watching what I eat and exercising, but…ah well, fuck it. There’s always next week. The thing is this routine isn’t enjoyable. Yes, I need the weight-training but the treadmill isn’t my favorite. It’s okay, certainly better than the elliptical, but I’m going back to the stationary bikes. Screw it. Matters more that I enjoy and WILL DO the exercise than quibble over the calorie burn. Something more’s gotta give. My street bike is back, so it’s seriously time to try riding it again. Gotta find my groove.
And my workout videos? Whatever happened to them? I enjoyed the Kathy Smith ones. The ab one is okay too. Need to integrate them into the routine and vary it up a bit. Do what works – work what you do.
As for food…I don’t know what to say. This week hasn’t been awful but stressing over food makes me preoccupied with it. This needs to stop. It wasn’t this way a month ago, and it shouldn’t continue. My gym trainer means well, but intuitive eating is my aim, not strict portioning. The point isn’t simply to lose weight but to alter my lifestyle, similarly to how I did a couple years back. Just want to get healthier. Muscle-building and aerobics matter, but so does personal equilibrium and finding one’s “groove.” Motivation was there, but fleeted the last couple of weeks. Not sure what the malfunction is aside from that already mentioned. What does it take to get the lead out?
Maybe I need to set aside more time to read and lounge and also half-an-hour or so a day to focus on exercise (outside of what I normally get). A video will be useful here. All except for alternating Sundays which can be used for a fruit/veggie/nuts fasting day. A few nuts for protein and the rest in veggies with a few fruits (smoothies optional). Sounds like a good way to cut calories without going on a harsh fast, but I can’t work out that day or it will be overkill. Gotta relax and let the day be easy indoors. This appeals to me. Lemon water fasts haven’t completely turn me off and may be considered as well.
I want to be enthusiastic but that means molding any workout routines to my personality and lifestyle. The gym is cool for weight-training and reading a book while walking or biking, but that isn’t my primary focus for the week. Preferably just my MWF routine instead of this talk of coming in 4 times. My muscles are too sore for that and need a day to recuperate between weight-training, a couple if meeting with gym trainer. Maybe 3-4 days of videos at home, 30-minutes each, one a day. And then relearn to ride the street bike (it’s been sooo long). Or maybe attend a class at the gym once a week. Ooh, and incorporate swimming, even if it means driving across town occasionally. Swimming is probably my favorite form of exercise and relaxation.
My food bores me. Diet stuff was never really my style, but I make concessions if it’s tasty. Eating sandwiches every other day has grown old. Cereal is appealing sometimes. Low-calorie frozen dinners aren’t usually that delectable. Gotta be careful with buying fruits and veggies as they tend to go bad before being eaten up, the lament of cooking for one. Would help if smaller portions weren’t outrageously priced – thanks exploitative corporate bastards. 
Dining out is getting too expensive and does tend to jeopardize my best intentions, so cooking at home is preferable. Just gotta get it together and make it all happen. The recipes are saved, ingredients can be had. Might make it easier to start dividing other stuff besides meats into smaller portions and freezing them. My freezer is turning out to be a dear friend.
No reason to be glum. Who cares what the trainer or anyone else thinks? This is my journey toward healthier living, no one else’s. Good night.
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wakemenow said
Come to find out after being weighed today, I’ve lost 4 lbs. this week. So, I’m back on the wagon apparently. That’s good to know.